Prevalence Rates
Rates of Family Estrangement
In 2020, Karl Pillemer, a sociologist at Cornell University, published the book Fault Lines which featured the first and largest national survey on estrangement which was executed via the Cornell Family Estrangement and Reconciliation Project.
That research revealed:
-
Over one quarter of Americans - 27 percent - reported being estranged from a family member - which extrapolates to 67 million people.
-
Around 10 percent were estranged from a parent or child which extrapolates to 25 million people.
-
85% reported being estranged for a year or more and fully half of respondents had not had contact with that family member for four years or more
(Source: Fault Lines, Karl Pillemer, PhD)
Another commonly cited study within the media on this topic was published in the Journal of Marriage in Family in 2022 that estimated population level research on estrangement using regression models from other study data.
Those extrapolated results showed:
-
6% reporting a period of estrangement from mothers with average age of first estrangement at 26 years old
-
26% reporting estrangement from fathers with average age of first estrangement at 23 years old
These however, are estimates using study data not specifically focused on estrangement.
(Source: Reczek, Rin et al. “Parent-adult child estrangement in the United States by gender, race/ethnicity and sexuality.” Journal of Marriage and Family. October 2022. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12898)
An earlier study was conducted specific to estrangement in 2015 by the UK organization Stand Alone with their global membership in collaboration with the Centre for Family Research at the University of Cambridge.
Of the 804 respondents:
-
455 were estranged from a mother, 350 from a father, 277 from both a mother and father
-
361 were estranged from one or more sisters 362 from one or more brothers and 118 from both a brother and sister
(Source: Hidden Voices: Family Estrangement in Adulthood, 2015)
Most studies dedicated specifically on estrangement that Together Estranged (TE) is aware of are point in time studies, not longitudinal, which is what would be necessary to document rising or lowering rates over time.
Are rates of estrangement growing?
There are no longitudinal studies that could reliably answer the question regarding whether there is a rise in incidence. In fact, Karl Pillemer, the author of the book Fault Lines, has advocated for implementation of detailed longitudinal studies as well as clinical attention to the phenomenon to get the topic “out of the shadows and into the clear light of open discussion.”
It is our hypothesis that the rise in media coverage and content following the publication of Fault Lines as well as the growth in social media platforms and forums that provide community for those who are estranged on both sides of the situation has created the false perception of estrangement being on the rise. Without detailed study, there is no way to conclude that there is a trend or rise in incidence.
Additionally, with the way that modern communication technology allows people to essentially be instantly accessible 24/7, the methods of distancing from conflictual family members in the past simply are no longer a reality. The effect of that is that it makes estrangement that much more prominent and visible within a family system, whereas in the past, family members in conflict could simply avoid each other without needing to be as declarative around communication boundaries.
More recently, the results of the 2024 US election has brought one of the top factors to estrangement to the forefront - differences in beliefs and values - and has sparked greater discussion around decisions to due to intolerable differences in perspectives - those that attribute their vote as a reflection of core morals and character vs those that believe that one’s vote is “just politics” and shouldn’t have impact upon their family relationships. Ultimately, whether or not there is or has been a rise in estrangement is the wrong area of focus.
The unsubstantiated narratives around there being a rise in adult children going no contact with parents and family and speculations that it derives from social media or therapist involvement - all of that discussion diverts from the core issues that underlie estrangement which are the relationship dynamics involved and the generational patterns of those harmful relationship dynamics that continue to get carried forward. What is beneficial is that the topic is becoming more talked about and the awareness of estrangement is growing, however, the unfortunate component to that is the misperception of that as representing a new “trend” for family members to initiate estrangement that they otherwise would not have done.
If anything, perhaps what we are seeing is the result of a growing awareness of family and relationship dynamics, the ability of people across generations to better recognize what is harmful and dysfunctional in their family systems and to understand they do not have to subject themselves to those dynamics if they don’t have potential to improve. At TE, we feel that the increased attention on estrangement serves to open up a conversation around what comprises healthy vs dysfunctional family dynamics and relationships and the importance of understanding and maintaining healthy dynamics.