After estrangement, I struggled to create feelings of safety in the environments I was living in. “Home” to me never felt like a safe place and I had never really experienced feelings of security or safety in places that I had lived. I even had a hard time feeling safe within my own body, and still do sometimes, due to the impact my traumatic experiences had on my nervous system.
Healing after estrangement requires learning ways to regulate our nervous systems, calming our fight, flight, or freeze responses, and focusing on our physical and mental health. But creating a safe space in our body is not the only thing we should focus on. It is also important to create physical spaces where you can feel safe, that help you relax, and can support your journey to healing. We can design our living spaces with trauma-informed principles.
The impact of trauma on home environments and living spaces can manifest in a variety of ways. This can look like hyper-vigilance, anxiety, and difficulties in feeling safe. This impacts the way individuals can perceive and interact with their surroundings. Certain design elements can even impact emotions and trigger memories or negative feelings.
So, how do we make a space that nurtures our well-being and emotional health?
Focus on creating a home environment with design elements that can build a sense of safety. This can look like including calming colors such as soft blues, greens, and warm neutrals. Have options for soft and warm lighting. Ensure you have places you can go that feel private, especially in bedrooms and bathrooms, to create feelings of control and personal space. You can also work to reduce noise by using sound absorbing materials, heavy curtains that can block street noise, or implement sound machines to reduce potential triggers.
I know when I am feeling triggered and my PTSD symptoms are bubbling up, I often get easily overstimulated. It helps me to close my bedroom curtains, turn on soft lighting or even cover my face, and play calming music. This helps me regulate my nervous system and return back to a more manageable level in order to make space for my emotions.
You can also work to create comfortable and cozy spaces. Use soft textures for rugs, blankets, and furniture. Add fun colors or designs to your living spaces that make you feel happy. Add personal touches like photos and mementos that bring you joy and spark positive memories. This can help you stay present if you are experiencing flashbacks or dissociating. Self expression in your spaces can also be empowering and give you a sense of control and safety.
Incorporating nature is also helpful to support your well-being. This can look like indoor plants, natural lighting, or nature-inspired artwork. Plants promote relaxation and improve air quality and nature inspired art can bring a sense of calm to your spaces.
You can also put up other decorations to help aid trauma recovery. This can look like quotes that inspire you or your own written affirmations posted around. When I am focusing on one particular aspect in my healing, I like to write affirmations and tape them to my mirrors, giving me a reminder multiple times a day to focus on them. Some examples of affirmations to evoke feelings of safety can look like:
“I am safe in my body and my mind.”
“I will give myself compassion as I navigate my day.”
“I am proud of myself and the work I have done to heal.”
“I love and accept myself exactly as I am at this moment.”
It can also be important to emphasize safety features to keep yourself safe from people that may be dangerous for you. This can look like an extra lock on your door, a hallway night-light, or even a security system.
I also acknowledge that there are many factors that impact one’s ability to do the things listed above (income, space, roommates, resources, etc.), so it is important to find ways to create safety even in small ways. Printing out your own photos of friends you have now, creating a corner of relaxation, getting a fluffy pillow or blanket, writing affirmations, or even lighting a candle can all be little things you can do to create feelings of relaxation and safety in your home. It is important to work with intention when creating a space where you can live or visit that can bring you a sense of safety. Physical safety is an important step to emotional safety in healing from abuse and estrangement.